Don’t Send Me Your Shit To Review, Because I Suck At Reading

where i went wrong

Back in February I was asked if I wanted to review the upcoming OSR book “The Dreams Of Ruin” by Geoffrey Grabowski.  Naturally I was instantly flattered that someone had actually been to my website and I said yes.  They gave me a PDF copy of the book, and I said thanks and then that night went to the laundromat (full disclosure, a lot of the material on this website starts at the laundromat [so much that I almost called this website laundromaps.com]) and started reading this goddamned book.  This goddamned book starts with a poem, and I hated it.  I couldn’t make it through the poem.  I showed it to my friends who play games and my friends that don’t and they all agreed it wasn’t a good poem, and that is a bummer way to start to develop a review.  If you buy this book skip the poem.  So that night I thumbed through the book and read excerpts and looked at the art and generally liked what little else I read at the time.  But my retention of material in PDF form stops at maybe 20 pages.  That is my fault, I am a fucking simpleton and I am okay with it.  This isn’t a review, this is a discussion I am having with myself.

then it got all lugubrious

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Ubiquitous Space Movie Trap Joke / DEATH EVENTS

trap

This is a trap.  This is a trap that will likely kill someone first try.  Mechanically, it should be rather obvious, but just in case: this platform appears as if the rest of the floor, but not quite.  A sword is stabbed into this dubiously innocuous floor, and it is shining in the torchlight.  Quiet magic may be involved or maybe just physics, but the sword has stapled the platform (precariously) to the very tip   If the sword is removed the platform will teeter towards whichever side is heaviest, dumping the slow to react or very heavy into something terrible.  Maybe the platform is weighed in such a manner that it will right itself after much teetering.  The sword is only worth 5gp, and is made of cheap brass.

In fantasyland role playing games there is not often a meaning in death and those deaths are frequent and maybe that is why they have no meaning.  The meaning doesn’t have to be deep, but something interesting has room to happen there.  Jessup the Strong Fighter rolls all ones and is suddenly taking a dirt nap, and while a new character is being rolled all of Jessup’s compatriots are bickering about who gets her shit.  Through her death, something weird is happening.Continue Reading

Interesting Treasure: Key Ring

It has been quite some time since I have updated this thing.  I apologize.  The post-rock band I drum in has been pretty busy with a string of bullshit things to do like record a new demo and also play a couple of shows (re: PLUG).  Throw in some other shit like my kid and my wife and my job, and it leaves little room for fantasy land stuff.  Needless to say, here is something:

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SPZ01 Preview / Swamp Things

I am working on a print-only zine, as we speak.  It is going to have some stuff in it that I will also be using against with my next group.  Not a lot of it will make it onto this website because would there a point in mailing out zines afterwards?  Here, however, is something that is going into the zine.  It is a small list of terrible situations you may throw at your players who happen to be crawling through a swamp.  Included is an unfinished sketch of one of the terrible situations.  Also included is a probable amount of grammar and spelling errors, as this came straight from my notes.  (That sketch is terrible and I should feel terrible for putting it here. I will be redoing the bug.  Its terrible)

TERRIBLE SWAMP SITUATIONS

or: NEXT TIME PICK A DIFFERENT ROUTE
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An “Encounter” Area

outdoorlol

 

This was kind of an exercise in scale.  I wanted to do an up close area and see how it turned out.  I really like how it did come out, and likely this is the last map I will digitally trace, from here on out these will all be the original hand drawn maps with minimal edits.  The problem is that a little bit of detail is lost when I start to mess with it in Inkscape.  For instance, those trees lose a smidge of depth in the process.  From here on out I will also be adding grids onto most of the maps.  Anyways, until next time….

The Village of Twofalls

arealol

 

The Village of Twofalls.  I think starting in the middle of this month I am going to stop tracing the maps as SVGs after I scan them.  I am just going to scan them, up the contrast and brightness and shit them on to the internet.  I am also working on a zine.   More on that later.

A Sanctuary

SANCTUARY

I have been sick, I have had a plethora of computer problems,  I lost internet, my band is in the middle of a large string of shows, and I have been working at my real job non stop.  Here is a sanctuary, or temple, or dungeon.  In the main area is a radiant pool. Of radiance.  Click to enbiggen.

 

Stealing Shit From G+ and Making It Mine (Ours)

boneward

 

I was stuck at work, iced in.  I had a beer and started scrolling through google plus and I found a blog post from +Ben Trautman over at Lock, Stock, and a Bag of Dice about a septum piercing called a Bone Ward.  Thought I’d give it a go as an illustration.  This particular magical item is body jewelry made from bodies; it provides +2 versus poisons and disease.  The piecing causes 1d4 damage.  I like that.  Thanks Ben for the cool concept and permission to make it cool.  Anyways I drew it out with a pencil I found on the floor at the bar I work at, traced it with my nice pens then scanned it and traced it.  Then I hand-wrote the text, scanned it, colored it, etc.  Lots of fun.

Unkeyed Dungeon: Some Kind Of Cthulhoid, Calcified Rectal Cavity

SPDUN003
Verily, this would be some knave’s lair if’n it weren’t just so damn rectal.  I have been very sick with a terribleness these few days and I have gotten nothing done.  This was an old map that I thought looked too much like a digestive tract and sphincter for me to be happy with, but I really can’t let this blog sit dormant in such infancy.  So here it is, for your under-the-earth campaigns and locales; a cave with massive abyss included.